Lessons That I Learnt From My Mother's Battle
Shock of the News
Last Easter I received a phone call from my mother in Vancouver. Though I live with my wife Shelley and two young daughters Hannah and Claire (ages 5 and 7) some 6,000 kilometers away in Halifax, I have always been a Mama’s boy. Receiving a phone call from my mother was nothing unusual. We usually chat at least once a week, but the phone call this time came with life altering news. My mother told me that she had just been diagnosed with breast cancer.
When my mother told me the diagnosis I felt lost. I wasn’t quite sure what it meant. As a middle-aged father of two healthy girls, and coming from a family that had been blessed with good health, I was not up on matters medical.
I recalled as a child my mother blowing out candles on her birthday cake. When I blew out candles I always made grandiose wishes, and I know my sister Jennifer had on more than one occasion wished to be Queen. I remember asking my mother what she wished for, and she told me that she always wished for good health for the family. Every since I became a father, I have made the same wish and until that Easter day, my wishes had been granted.
What I learnt unexpectedly over the past year through my mother’s winning battle with cancer has brought our entire family closer together than ever.
The Value of A Positive Attitude and Sense of Humour
Mama has always had a positive attitude, and her example has made all of us stronger. At times I though it unfair that even when she was weak through battling cancer we relied upon her to keep us all strong with her unwavering positive attitude. With her one liners and positive take on the ravages of cancer she kept us strong. We all learnt that each of us was blessed with her strength and she gave us fortitude.
Even when she was going through the tough days after chemotherapy, she maintained unfailing faith and humour. I remember when she explained to us all when she misplayed a bridge hand that she was suffering from "chemo brain". As such, we could not in good faith score penalty points against her for erring in bidding or her play. At the same time, Mama’s wardrobe suddenly became new. She was happy to tell all, that because chemo had caused her to lose so much weight she could finally wear all the skinny clothes that she had been saving. In picking-out her wig I remember her commenting that now was her chance "to go blonde."
Never once over the past year did I ever hear a woe is me story. Mama’s strength and positive attitude, set an example that I emulate and can only dream to achieve in my day-to-day life.
Nurture, Support and Growth
Mama spent much of her chemo treatment and recovery time on the deck and in the yard. Sitting on the deck the growing of the her garden became symbolic of her recovery. The plants were nurtured and nourished by helping hands. Through helping and supportive hands of family and friend the annuals were planted, the lawn watered and cut, winter pansies cultivated, and yards maintained.
Mama knew that if the plants were not nourished they would grow weak. Only through supportive helping hands providing care and love would they flourish. Even when she was hospitalized due to an infection, Mama looked out of the hospital window and was consoled by the beautiful hanging baskets of flowers in bloom. She was quick to tell the nurses when to water the plants.
At home, she alerted when the cedar trees planted some 20 years ago needed to be pruned, and told us all when the maple tree that was planted too close to the deck needed to be trimmed. Through watering, pruning and trimming they would become lush again, and grow for another 20 years. Needless to say, the plants were watered, the cedars pruned and the maple trimmed.
When battling fatigue and sitting at home in her kitchen, garden and home renovation ideas came to Mama. Though she was on the opposite coast, her ideas about how to renovate my daughter Hannah’s room, came to fruition. Only through her contemplation and thoughtful insight was the room re-arranged, painted and new furniture built to fit the room. It was ready to be inspected when Mama next visited.
We All Support in Our Own Unique Ways
Even though I only visited once during my mother’s successful battle with cancer and though we live on opposite coasts, I believe that I am closer to my mother than I ever was before.
When I visited, I was quickly put to work trimming trees, watering the garden and painting the kitchen. When not in Vancouver, I found that I could provide emotional strength and support through communicating. Not necessarily about Mama’s cancer, but by talking and listening on the phone about everyday events, by exchanging e-mails, sending videos of birthdays, vacations, first days of school, by sending in the mail cards and art work.
On numerous occasions, Mama and I were moved to tears at the kindness of friends. I remember Mama stating that the number of flowers and cards received made the house look like a happy "funeral parlor".
Learning from Challenges
Through the past year I have grown to understand how to beat illness and all other vice. My mother’s successful battle has shown me how to win. I learned lessons through the battle with cancer that I take to my everyday life.
Mama lived, and continues to live and demonstrate, that no one wins alone. Family, friends and strangers can be counted on to provide support, nurture and cultivation. Support in all of its different forms creates support that is complete. A small card, cutting the lawn, painting the kitchen, cooking a meal or making a phone call are all small things on their own, but when considered together create a huge network of loving support.
Mama also demonstrates that maintaining a positive attitude is vital. Even in adversity of facing the negatives of cancer, Mama found the positive. Be it through fitting into her skinny clothes, rationalizing poor bidding in bridge due to "chemo brain" or going blonde, Mama lives the belief that in every adversity opportunity can be found. Finding these opportunities is a matter of having faith and belief. Belief in self and belief in others is what living a whole life is all about.
Lance Armstrong said that "he once considered his cancer a special wake-up call that crystallized for him the blessings of good health, family, friends, and marriage." Mama says, "make sure my garden is watered and healthy, and when you have a second do you mind doing some weeding?"
Last Easter I received a phone call from my mother in Vancouver. Though I live with my wife Shelley and two young daughters Hannah and Claire (ages 5 and 7) some 6,000 kilometers away in Halifax, I have always been a Mama’s boy. Receiving a phone call from my mother was nothing unusual. We usually chat at least once a week, but the phone call this time came with life altering news. My mother told me that she had just been diagnosed with breast cancer.
When my mother told me the diagnosis I felt lost. I wasn’t quite sure what it meant. As a middle-aged father of two healthy girls, and coming from a family that had been blessed with good health, I was not up on matters medical.
I recalled as a child my mother blowing out candles on her birthday cake. When I blew out candles I always made grandiose wishes, and I know my sister Jennifer had on more than one occasion wished to be Queen. I remember asking my mother what she wished for, and she told me that she always wished for good health for the family. Every since I became a father, I have made the same wish and until that Easter day, my wishes had been granted.
What I learnt unexpectedly over the past year through my mother’s winning battle with cancer has brought our entire family closer together than ever.
The Value of A Positive Attitude and Sense of Humour
Mama has always had a positive attitude, and her example has made all of us stronger. At times I though it unfair that even when she was weak through battling cancer we relied upon her to keep us all strong with her unwavering positive attitude. With her one liners and positive take on the ravages of cancer she kept us strong. We all learnt that each of us was blessed with her strength and she gave us fortitude.
Even when she was going through the tough days after chemotherapy, she maintained unfailing faith and humour. I remember when she explained to us all when she misplayed a bridge hand that she was suffering from "chemo brain". As such, we could not in good faith score penalty points against her for erring in bidding or her play. At the same time, Mama’s wardrobe suddenly became new. She was happy to tell all, that because chemo had caused her to lose so much weight she could finally wear all the skinny clothes that she had been saving. In picking-out her wig I remember her commenting that now was her chance "to go blonde."
Never once over the past year did I ever hear a woe is me story. Mama’s strength and positive attitude, set an example that I emulate and can only dream to achieve in my day-to-day life.
Nurture, Support and Growth
Mama spent much of her chemo treatment and recovery time on the deck and in the yard. Sitting on the deck the growing of the her garden became symbolic of her recovery. The plants were nurtured and nourished by helping hands. Through helping and supportive hands of family and friend the annuals were planted, the lawn watered and cut, winter pansies cultivated, and yards maintained.
Mama knew that if the plants were not nourished they would grow weak. Only through supportive helping hands providing care and love would they flourish. Even when she was hospitalized due to an infection, Mama looked out of the hospital window and was consoled by the beautiful hanging baskets of flowers in bloom. She was quick to tell the nurses when to water the plants.
At home, she alerted when the cedar trees planted some 20 years ago needed to be pruned, and told us all when the maple tree that was planted too close to the deck needed to be trimmed. Through watering, pruning and trimming they would become lush again, and grow for another 20 years. Needless to say, the plants were watered, the cedars pruned and the maple trimmed.
When battling fatigue and sitting at home in her kitchen, garden and home renovation ideas came to Mama. Though she was on the opposite coast, her ideas about how to renovate my daughter Hannah’s room, came to fruition. Only through her contemplation and thoughtful insight was the room re-arranged, painted and new furniture built to fit the room. It was ready to be inspected when Mama next visited.
We All Support in Our Own Unique Ways
Even though I only visited once during my mother’s successful battle with cancer and though we live on opposite coasts, I believe that I am closer to my mother than I ever was before.
When I visited, I was quickly put to work trimming trees, watering the garden and painting the kitchen. When not in Vancouver, I found that I could provide emotional strength and support through communicating. Not necessarily about Mama’s cancer, but by talking and listening on the phone about everyday events, by exchanging e-mails, sending videos of birthdays, vacations, first days of school, by sending in the mail cards and art work.
On numerous occasions, Mama and I were moved to tears at the kindness of friends. I remember Mama stating that the number of flowers and cards received made the house look like a happy "funeral parlor".
Learning from Challenges
Through the past year I have grown to understand how to beat illness and all other vice. My mother’s successful battle has shown me how to win. I learned lessons through the battle with cancer that I take to my everyday life.
Mama lived, and continues to live and demonstrate, that no one wins alone. Family, friends and strangers can be counted on to provide support, nurture and cultivation. Support in all of its different forms creates support that is complete. A small card, cutting the lawn, painting the kitchen, cooking a meal or making a phone call are all small things on their own, but when considered together create a huge network of loving support.
Mama also demonstrates that maintaining a positive attitude is vital. Even in adversity of facing the negatives of cancer, Mama found the positive. Be it through fitting into her skinny clothes, rationalizing poor bidding in bridge due to "chemo brain" or going blonde, Mama lives the belief that in every adversity opportunity can be found. Finding these opportunities is a matter of having faith and belief. Belief in self and belief in others is what living a whole life is all about.
Lance Armstrong said that "he once considered his cancer a special wake-up call that crystallized for him the blessings of good health, family, friends, and marriage." Mama says, "make sure my garden is watered and healthy, and when you have a second do you mind doing some weeding?"
posted by Pete at 9:51 AM
<< Home